Parentification : Did you have to grow up too fast ? With too much responsibility?

The family context :

There is often a parental child (parentified) in a family who has to take on a level of responsibility that is inappropriate for their age. He or she therefore has no chance of living out the typical roles of a child. The term "parentification" is derived from "parentifier", which means that the child is pushed into playing the role of a parent or voluntarily assumes this role.

There are several reasons why parentification may occur:

1) Parental absence or incapacity:

If parents are unable to look after their children properly due to psychological problems, addiction, physical absence or other circumstances, the child may try to fill the gap by looking after siblings or even the parents themselves.

2) Family responsibility:

In some cultures or families with specific traditions or norms, older siblings or children are expected to care for and look after younger siblings.

3) Emotional abuse:

In some cases, parents may force their children to act as 'parental surrogates'.

role of 'parental surrogate' by putting emotional pressure on the child to meet their own respond to their own needs.

What does parentification mean for the person concerned?

In this position, the child has an unhealthy experience of attachment and relationships from the start of life. This has a huge impact on the individual's attachment style.

The child learns to be very adaptable, to cling very well, to respond very well to the needs of others, because in this childhood experience, his or her own needs were neglected. It is highly likely that the person develops an avoidant attachment style because they could not trust that their needs would be met in interpersonal relationships. It is with this attachment behaviour that the person goes through life and carries the emotional imprint of this early experience with them into their adult relationships.

Deep down, they are often very sensitive people who also long for love and support. But their restraint and the strength with which they face the world give them the impression, when dealing with others, that nothing can touch them, that they have everything under control and need nothing. And this experience only reinforces their initial wound, namely that others do not respond to their needs.

Break the relationship pattern

The confusion of feeling "I'm always there for everyone - why don't others see me and support me?" can be very real for these people. The solution is to open up, let go of your protection and learn to express your needs. All the patterns that we have learned because they were useful to us at one time, but which may no longer be useful today for relationships as adults, we can heal. This is an important step towards having new positive experiences in relationships and transforming the way we have experienced relationships up to now. We can break relationship patterns.